Best Laid Plans

What can I say?

I'm a girl with too many distractions. Even though I met many of my intentions in 2011, blogging was obviously not one of them.

This year, I found myself, appropriately so, right in the middle of my life. Libra tendencies in full force, I struggled physically and emotionally to find the balance between effort and surrender. (Yoga anyone?) But thru this struggle, I continued to learn about myself, my purpose and my place.

I'm learning to put my faith in the inherent promise of each new day. Every day I'm working on looking inward, instead of outward, for validation. So maybe that's why blogging just keeps getting put off for another day.

Although quiet, it's been a good year. I have much to be grateful for including having those who still care to listen. So for those who are, I defer to A A Milne & my beloved Muppets to make my melancholy point:

My 2011

Pushing Buttons

Last year my foremost New Year's Intention was learning to use my Mute Button. For a person that tends to over-think just about everything, it was challenging. Most of last year was spent continuing to adjust to life's changes by building skills and modifying expectations. This is hard enough without contemplating every single voice inside AND outside my head. So you see why a silencer is required.

Now this year, my foremost Intention is to push the Enter Button. I found that a good way to use that Mute Button is to not give myself the opportunity to even need it. So my plan is to take care of the task before I find myself in an endless conversation of how to actually DO the task. Considering the variety and frequency of tasks in my life, I should get lots of practice.

So there you go. Simple enough, right? One more blog and I'll raise my total from last year!

new for 2011

#1: blog more.

metaphor megan's new year's intentions

TICK, TICK, TICK

All of 2009, all I could hear and feel was tick, tick, tick. Was it a phantom metronome motivating pace or a bomb about to go off? All I knew was that it permeated my life. It kept me up at night, suppressed my appetite and blurred my focus. Most importantly it made me one crabby camper, just ask anyone around me, because its vibrations perpetuated my belief I was in control of/responsible for everything.

Unfortunately trying to quiet the sound of time slipping through my fingers actually created a paradox: more output = fewer results. The harder I tried, the more I qualified my efforts as failures. Even though I woke everyday hoping for satisfaction, my only reward was making it to bedtime. How could I get time back on my side and stop pounding in my ears?

Are you ready? It's so simple it could make one weep. The clock turned 12 and the ball dropped. Then silence. Did the bomb explode? I looked around for devastation but found myself alive in not only a new year, but a new decade. Suddenly instead of problems and limitations, I saw love, health and prosperity. I could once again appreciate what I had and not just obsess over what I wanted. I vowed at that moment my epiphany would last. I had been given a moment of wisdom: understanding the difference between what I could control and what I couldn't.

Predictably, I devised a plan and wrote a list. No longer would I waste time feeling sorry for myself. Instead I would spend my energies on small efforts towards the larger goal of balancing my life. I put only the tangible on my list and promised myself to be patient. On 1/1/10, I embarked on my new philosophical adventure. Now when doubt crosses my mind, I remind myself that ticking is actually fear. Then I change the subject.

One month in and results abound. My first day back at yoga class the teacher reminded me to release my clenched muscles so they could extend and lengthen. So I did, and they actually do! This one example is indicative of all my life categories. Relationships with my kids, husband, friends, career, body and general sanity have all expanded, grown and strengthened.

Life is too short to let fear compromise the possibilities. Sometimes all we have to do is find the mute button.

this made me laugh, have fun

"The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high
8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido : All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n.. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v.. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men"

santa's list

... no cookies were made or harmed during this production.

the role of soccer mom will now be played by megan ward*

i have to be honest, i was a little nervous when the nanny's vacation coincided with the husband's business trip. not to mention both trips followed the long thanksgiving weekend! that meant i would be doing EVERYTHING: cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, making 4 school trips a day, etc. right along with all my regular obligations. so i tried to line up support troops for last minute back-up in case any professional conflicts arose and proceeded to put on my domestic goddess hat.

before my solo-all-purpose-homemaker skills would be put to the test, there was the thanksgiving 4-day weekend. turkey day alone could have done me in but the whole weekend turned out to be surprisingly relaxing and celebratory. the mother-in-law has threatened my assumption of the super cooking duties (and my first turkey) for years but it was not possible until our remodel enabled the installation of an-oven-specifically-purchased-for-cooking-holiday-meals-in! at the last minute she decided she simply could not give up her tradition so i only had to prepare my 2 annual dishes on/in my giant range. as a consolation prize, we did then have a gathering for my immediate family in our home. however, it was a pot luck brunch so i was spared again the possibility ruining the main dish! now i have no reason to expect i couldn't actually put out a whole spread, i've just never done it. there in lies the FEAR!

fatefully, my reprieve will be short lived. i have been informed officially, with absolutely no take backs, for the first time: CHRISTMAS EVE WITH MICHAEL'S FAMILY WILL TAKE PLACE IN MY HOME! now this is an even bigger deal than thanksgiving, but its time for grandma to let others take over. if there was ever a time for me to accept responsibility and spend the time, this is the year. sadly as i self motivate with internal words of confidence, my son informs me how sad he is we won't be going to grandma's! geez, i can't win.

but back to my "role of a lifetime." bright and early monday morning i tackled my "job" with unnecessary vigor. i was determined not to let a speck of dust settle. i was obsessed with using every setting on my new washer. i was inspired to make dinners that the whole family would eat. in short, i had passion for what i had been missing the last few years. i found that i hadn't forgotten how to do it all and that i could make up stuff when circumstances surprised me. i found my efforts of building a house for my family had even bigger dividends when i added the simple ingredient of me. i heard internal applause when my kids responded to my requests or simply volunteered a spontaneous hug.

ultimately i learned that validation and purpose come in many forms. you just have to be careful where you look for it. i am constantly adjusting my balance in life. this thanksgiving season i am once again reminded that i have purpose, ability and those who do appreciate my efforts. that makes me humble with gratitude.

so, now i can move on to the gift of giving. naked tree is in the living room surrounded by boxes of ornaments. hmm, do i dare make a main dish for christmas eve or reserve my bowling ball of ham in the morning? either way, my family will still love me. (plan to bribe with presents just in case)

hope all your bellies are full....

megan

*disclaimer: written with glass of wine in hand while kiddies watch its a charlie brown christmas. please excuse the sentimentality and grammar/spelling errors....