before my solo-all-purpose-homemaker skills would be put to the test, there was the thanksgiving 4-day weekend. turkey day alone could have done me in but the whole weekend turned out to be surprisingly relaxing and celebratory. the mother-in-law has threatened my assumption of the super cooking duties (and my first turkey) for years but it was not possible until our remodel enabled the installation of an-oven-specifically-purchased-for-cooking-holiday-meals-in! at the last minute she decided she simply could not give up her tradition so i only had to prepare my 2 annual dishes on/in my giant range. as a consolation prize, we did then have a gathering for my immediate family in our home. however, it was a pot luck brunch so i was spared again the possibility ruining the main dish! now i have no reason to expect i couldn't actually put out a whole spread, i've just never done it. there in lies the FEAR!
fatefully, my reprieve will be short lived. i have been informed officially, with absolutely no take backs, for the first time: CHRISTMAS EVE WITH MICHAEL'S FAMILY WILL TAKE PLACE IN MY HOME! now this is an even bigger deal than thanksgiving, but its time for grandma to let others take over. if there was ever a time for me to accept responsibility and spend the time, this is the year. sadly as i self motivate with internal words of confidence, my son informs me how sad he is we won't be going to grandma's! geez, i can't win.
but back to my "role of a lifetime." bright and early monday morning i tackled my "job" with unnecessary vigor. i was determined not to let a speck of dust settle. i was obsessed with using every setting on my new washer. i was inspired to make dinners that the whole family would eat. in short, i had passion for what i had been missing the last few years. i found that i hadn't forgotten how to do it all and that i could make up stuff when circumstances surprised me. i found my efforts of building a house for my family had even bigger dividends when i added the simple ingredient of me. i heard internal applause when my kids responded to my requests or simply volunteered a spontaneous hug.
ultimately i learned that validation and purpose come in many forms. you just have to be careful where you look for it. i am constantly adjusting my balance in life. this thanksgiving season i am once again reminded that i have purpose, ability and those who do appreciate my efforts. that makes me humble with gratitude.
so, now i can move on to the gift of giving. naked tree is in the living room surrounded by boxes of ornaments. hmm, do i dare make a main dish for christmas eve or reserve my bowling ball of ham in the morning? either way, my family will still love me. (plan to bribe with presents just in case)
hope all your bellies are full....
*disclaimer: written with glass of wine in hand while kiddies watch its a charlie brown christmas. please excuse the sentimentality and grammar/spelling errors....