All of 2009, all I could hear and feel was tick, tick, tick. Was it a phantom metronome motivating pace or a bomb about to go off? All I knew was that it permeated my life. It kept me up at night, suppressed my appetite and blurred my focus. Most importantly it made me one crabby camper, just ask anyone around me, because its vibrations perpetuated my belief I was in control of/responsible for everything.
Unfortunately trying to quiet the sound of time slipping through my fingers actually created a paradox: more output = fewer results. The harder I tried, the more I qualified my efforts as failures. Even though I woke everyday hoping for satisfaction, my only reward was making it to bedtime. How could I get time back on my side and stop pounding in my ears?
Are you ready? It's so simple it could make one weep. The clock turned 12 and the ball dropped. Then silence. Did the bomb explode? I looked around for devastation but found myself alive in not only a new year, but a new decade. Suddenly instead of problems and limitations, I saw love, health and prosperity. I could once again appreciate what I had and not just obsess over what I wanted. I vowed at that moment my epiphany would last. I had been given a moment of wisdom: understanding the difference between what I could control and what I couldn't.
Predictably, I devised a plan and wrote a list. No longer would I waste time feeling sorry for myself. Instead I would spend my energies on small efforts towards the larger goal of balancing my life. I put only the tangible on my list and promised myself to be patient. On 1/1/10, I embarked on my new philosophical adventure. Now when doubt crosses my mind, I remind myself that ticking is actually fear. Then I change the subject.
One month in and results abound. My first day back at yoga class the teacher reminded me to release my clenched muscles so they could extend and lengthen. So I did, and they actually do! This one example is indicative of all my life categories. Relationships with my kids, husband, friends, career, body and general sanity have all expanded, grown and strengthened.
Life is too short to let fear compromise the possibilities. Sometimes all we have to do is find the mute button.